this is just a random entry..
i just came home frm teambonding activites.
okies. wanted to post an entry for the kids yst aft i came back frm the hos.
yep. just came home frm a spin in wee's car with her, hua and nic. :)
oh my goodness!!
FLORR PASSED HER FINAL THEORY TEST IN ONE ATTEMPT!!! :)
was listening to the radio
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
sch's not that bad today.
i guess today's just not the day for everybody?
16th july 2007!! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
okies. so here's what happened today. :)
act was supposed to blog yst but i was to shacked when i was home plus i've get up super early today. haha.
my day didnt start out well. :(
i'm totally pissed off today!!
this entry is especially for my dear fren+my big brother+my soulmate:
guess what? do you fit the bill? tell me if you do, cos honestly, he's quite a nice guy! :) anyways, was supposed to be watching transformers today but i got pissed and walked out on them. so they went ahead without me while i was shopping at causeway point. thanks xin for being there!! :) sorry if i accidentally snapped at you while we were on the phone! you know it wasnt intentional! anyways, i was still rather pissed even when i was omw to cwp. but then i spent ard an hour flipping thru magazines at the lib (while waiting for xin to finish her tuition) and i guess that kinda cooled me down. maybe it was rather irresponsible of me to walk out on them, but i kinda had enuff of that kinda attitude alr. (maybe it's better this way, then at least when sch starts for me, i wouldnt be missing them that much.) actually, this thought came to mind yst. but little did i know that this thought somehow changes today. the thought that i had yst was that during the late hours, when i feel like finding someone to talk to, i fumbled. i didnt know who i could call or talk to. didnt want to disturb them as they might be talking to their other halves (and mind you, everyone ard me are happily attached) or they might be aslp alr. but that letter came today and made me realised that there's still someone out there who act missed me! someone who act thought abt me and specially wrote me a letter! i'm truly honoured. i didnt know how to react and i dont know why but tears just came rolling down my cheeks. then i realised that it was just me being selfish, having to come up with that thought. but sometimes, maybe i'm just too used to being alone, i sort of shun away frm the care and concern that some of my frens want to shower me with. nonetheless, thanks for your letter, u know who you are! :)
before i start emo-ing,
STRESSED - went to the hospital yst and it seems like she's starving herself as a form of protest! (it's not that all the ppl ard dun care, it's just that she doesnt care abt some who really cares! guess she's just very stubborn.) and then there's this sureties thingy that i've like climbed high and low just to find 2 ppl who are suitable! my uncle thinks that the age limit for the sureties is stupid. (i like it when he pronounce that word, he really made the thing he's talking abt sound really stupid! haha.)
Someday - Nina
phew! it's a sch hol today! thank God for today! :)
more pics! :)
yay! since i'm too bored, here are some pics of the kids! :)
1st July 2007 - exactly half of year 2007 is over.
havent had the strength to blog these few days..
these are just what i feel like saying..
i guess i'm getting used to the new life now.
everything seemed okay at first just now,
but somehow the conversation had to end quite badly.
i guess it's just me demanding too much.
if it's really very hard then why cant we just forget abt everything?
i dont mind being strangers cos i'm used to being treated like that alr.
i was told that i'll understand how it's like when i'm in the same situation.
i jolly well understand and i'll always ignore them.
so i'd be very glad if i were being ignored!
if ever, there's a next time,
can i not respond?
yep. i will try not to respond and see what will happen.
2:42 PM.
" Friday, July 27, 2007
and guess what?
I FELL DOWN AGAIN!!
it tends to happen to me every orientation.
it hurts a huge lot cos my skin off and i can see my flesh.
my mean cousin says i'm stupid!! :(
i was running on the grass patch and then onto the pavement
since it was slippery, i slipped and fell.
but it wasnt an unglam fall thou. haha
the teambonding activites were still ok i guess?
just that perhaps it's a big grp,
we are still not warmed up to one another yet.
i'm skipping the whole of orientation camp alr.
tml cos of the thingy that we gotta settle
plus the fact that i'm injuried,
mummy and daddy asked me to stay home to rest.
gosh! another few more mths for my wound to recover. :((
can i not bathe later on??
i'm scared la..
yep. gg to stay over at the wake today.
yst got teased by my cute cousin throughout the whole night.
so mean! tonight will be my turn to get my revenge! haha.
i think i'm getting used to my new life alr.
havent been thinking about us that often even thou u're still on my mind.
i'll be fine soon right?
the kids say u're sad that i've left.
i'm not sure if it's true or not
but u'll be fine in no time too right?
i know u will
cos to you,
i'm insignificant..
11:39 PM.
" Wednesday, July 25, 2007
but when i reached, i wasnt in the mood of doing anything alr.
mummy broke down real bad. told u mummy was just putting up a strong front.
act, come to think of it, i felt something when she was wearing the oxygen mask on mon.
i tot she would be able to pull thru but she didnt.
i cried real badly.
and till now, i'm still grieving.
i'm not sure if it's just me being emo or if it's just me not liking to go thru such stuff.
i guess it's the latter one.
i dont like the feeling of seeing someone related leaving me..
but i guess this is somehow a blessing in disguise?
in the sense that we could all get together, other than during cny, and bond - especially the younger generation.
today's conversations seem like the longest conversations that we've had with one another since dont know when.
yep. and i finally had the chance to talk to my very cute cousin!! :))
BUT, he's attached.
so ppl, u all can give up alr. haha.
his gf looks a lot like him! and they looked very compatible!
first day of sch wasnt that bad.
just that by the end of the day, i was caught in a dilemma - dont know what sub to major in.
but aft taking to my dad, my auntie and my cousins,
i've made up my mind.
i'm gg to stay in the pri track and i'm gg to major in eng language.
shit man. i can alr imagine myself not being able to fit in. :/
the lor mee at the canteen is superb! :)
AND, THERE ARE TONS OF STAIRS AT NIE!!!
i almost died while climbing the stairs frm B1 to level 1.
to: ALL WHO KNEW WHAT HAPPENED
thanks for the concern. :)
i'm really touched and i'll be fine soon.
i know this is just part and parcel of life so yep.
dont have to worry too much for me.
thanks again. :)
to: ALL MY KIDDOS
hey kiddos, i miss u all too.
but like i say, all good things do come to an end.
and kids tend to forget things and ppl very easily.
so u guys will be fine in no time, believe me.
meanwhile, take care and study hard for ur CA2.
and pls be nice to ur new relief teacher.
u guys will like him soon. :)
4:55 PM.
" Tuesday, July 24, 2007okies. last day of sch.the day wasnt really ok aft recess and towards the end of the day.i tot i wouldnt cry that badly, BUT I DID!!during morn assem, the principal made me walk to the front to let the sch say bye to me.kinda awkward thou cos i dont really like to stand in front of SO MANY ppl.then, the day went well cos i gave the kids chocs and went thru stuff with them.then aft recess, ally was crying real badly.we went to the toilet and 5 of us were squeezing inside one cubicle - 4 of us were just crapping away while ally was crying. and to tell u the truth, ally's tears are really warm!!then aft that, before bringing the kids to the comp lab, ryan came to ask me for permission to go to the toilet, for the last time.at that pt of time, i teared.i suddenly realised that i'm really gg to miss them real badly.then aft sch, i teared again.it's kinda bad cos i made so many kids cried.shouldnt have been so nice to them then they wouldnt be missing me that badly. :(then then, i made jun cried!!okies, that emo boy cried for 20 mins and then aft that his eyes were swollen.gosh, i'm gg to miss that kiddo too! :( oh ya, something to note.today's atmosphere was alr starting to build up frm yst.whai fen and my darling an xiu cried real bad!i felt so bad for making her cry. :(i cried real badly when i was in the staff room bidding farewell to pat and the rest.gosh, i'm really gg to miss them a huge lot!thou eunice says that i'll be forgetting them in a mth's time, i doubt i would man.they're really very nice and they really made my stay there very pleasant. :) i guess all good things will come to an end huh?i bet the kids will forget me real soon right?i know i'm gg to miss them real badly.i will try to make time for them..
12:53 AM.
" Sunday, July 22, 2007
it was quite cool cos it was the first time that i've gone for a spin. haha.
we headed towards the expressway and found ourselves gg towards changi.
i was screaming for fireworks but it was a bit too late alr, the fireworks are long over.
they wanted to go old changi hospital to check the place out cos wee hasnt been there before.
BUT, i was practically screaming at the top of my voice in the car that i didnt wanna go there cos honestly, i was scared.
so we made our way towards the airport instead.
hmm, we went one whole round ard the airport and found ourselves getting down at changi beach park.
the wind was super strong and there were alot of ppl having picnic there and camping overnight and all.
we went to buy ice cream while watching aeroplanes fly over us.
the planes were so huge!!
they kept teasing me cos i couldnt see the headlights of the planes moving towards us. :(
i guess we prob saw abt 10 to 11 planes in just that few mins. haha.
we then headed towards the singapore flyer to take pics of it.
but the pics werent that great cos the lights werent on.
while heading towards there, we were listening to ghost stories on the radio.
i practically covered my ears throughout the whole story and they kept teasing me as well. :(
then we headed home where wee made a wrong turn and had to go one round to the next exit on the expressway.
anyways, i still enjoyed today!
it was really really great. :)
to: WEE WANQI VANESSA
hey, dont know why but i just feel like saying these to you.
for the past 4 yrs we've known one another, we havent really express much of our concern thru words or anything.
but we were always there for one another in one way or another.
i know u'll be gg overseas for further studies.
but wad i didnt know is that u dont plan to come back!
i dont know what life would be like without u taking me places, talking abt life and all.
i hope the next 2 yrs would make u change ur mind abt staying there for good.
2 more yrs before u'll be leaving.
i'll cherish those 2 yrs..
7:29 PM.
" Saturday, July 21, 2007
the fish spa at qian hu fish farm is SO COOL!! :)
was there with wee today, before fetching xian & gg to meet hua and the rest.
the fishes came and nibble our legs and feet!
so amazing right?
but it's so itchy and it's kinda scary when the huge fishes come and nibble our feet.
we went to westmall aft that to celebrate hua's bday.
it wasnt really that nice cos the guys were just talking abt army stuff, which really bores wee and me.
then aft that i went to get something and wee sent the rest of the guys to timah then sent chun home and me home. haha.
i was super full man!
and it was really creamy - the stuff that i ate at pastamania just now.
i almost puked in wee's car. haha.
anyways, was actually gg to see fireworks tonight with him.
but then he went for a haircut and he said it suck real bad so he's in a super bad mood and he dont feel like gg alr.
haha, i guess he'll look fine.
it's just that he's being such a worrywart. haha. :)
8:39 PM.
" Friday, July 20, 2007
haha. kinda trying too hard but i'm really glad! :)
anyways, went to sch for registration today.
wasnt that big a deal but realised that the campus is SUPER HUGE!!
finished the registration in an hour plus.
and i was so smart that i didnt bring my tuition grant form!
and my student card's pic is ugly! :(
hema was laughing out real loudly when she saw my pic! :(
aft theory test i decided to be a responsible tuition teacher.
i went for tuition but was caught in the rain.
i couldnt run cos firstly the rain was heavy and secondly i was wearing white.
so i sat down for 15 mins and meanwhile, killed my brain cells.
the shower reminded me of a relationship.
the cloudy weather - the relationship is on the rocks.
the downpour - the relationship has ended and one party broke down real bad.
the skies are clearing - both parties got over the past relationship and are ready to move on.
went to meet ade, gene and gs at lot 1 aft that.
had dinner, talked a bit here and there, stood outside macs for a while and went home.
haha. gene met his platoon mate who happened to be with colin and they started chatting.
it felt weird seeing colin there and not saying hi.
ade was entertaining him thou.
then HE called me!! :)
his msg sounded kinda pissed to me so he called to say he's not.
how sweet of him right?
and he's real stressed out!!
hope he'll be fine real soon! :)
4:54 AM.
" Thursday, July 19, 2007
and heard this song.
am super emo now.
but then again, whenever i cant bear to let whatever happened btw us go,
i always tell myself that u may be feeling the same way towards wahatever happened btw you and her.
how stupid can i be?
i miss you..
呼吸着一种孤独的味道
心跳在你沉默以后慢慢的被淡忘掉
我笑了笑反正你看不到
我要的幸福遗落在你怀抱
*当爱失了焦
那些最初的美好早被你搁在一角
街上拥挤人潮走着看着都是摧眠符号
记忆停不了穿过读你的心跳
穿过想你的味道
我只想不被打扰
假装多好
我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱一直会让我依靠
继续等待(还)心甘情愿的不想逃
repeat *
#假装多好依然是依然是暧昧的tone调
一个人无理取闹两人世界的煎熬
我被自己困在自己设下的圈套
像是驼鸟相信时间是唯一解药
视而不见傻到了无可救药
其实早明了你的爱已随风飘
想要找再也找不到
假装多好我只要只想要再拥有一秒
去相信你的拥抱还心甘情愿的不想逃
repeat #
假装自己已解开冰冷的手铐
3:35 PM.
" Wednesday, July 18, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOUUUU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! :)
HAPPY SWEET 12TH BIRTHDAY TO TAY AN XU!! :)
yep yep. the long awaited day for you!
not sure if u'll be able to read this but still,
i'm gonna miss you real bad when sch starts for me.
promise me u'll study hard okay?
and promise me u wont make him angry anymore alr?
i'm not angry or mad with him anymore alr
so u dun have to be angry or mad with him either okay?
study hard my dear girl.
and take good care of urself when i'm not there for u alrights?
dont be scared of anyone!
always be prepared to stand up for urself and what's right!! :)
miss you. *hugs*
3:02 PM.
"
i dun have to teach much, or maybe at all. haha.
we had extended recess frm half an hour to an hour! :)
had recess with the kids frm both recesses.
the kids looked real adorable in their ethnic costumes.
i wasnt in any ethnic costumes so they kids were all saying me.
plus they say that the dress that i was wearing today made me look FAT!!
how mean can they go?!
yesterday they were talking abt my pimple.
then today they said i've big thighs!! :(
but then aft that they said i looked like barbie doll.
and they kept calling me barbie doll.
combined assem was quite okay.
the kids were very adorable when they were putting up this indian dance performance!!
and my class got the best dressed pupil!! :)
that sort of proved that i've good taste!! haha.
today further confirmed how insignificant i am to him.
just a frown frm her and he was alr dashing to her side.
this time round i was there to witness it. he knew i was there.
but he ran aft her when she walked away.
i almost cried. :(
i'll be fine, wont i?
just 3 more working days..
Too Serious Too Soon
I wonder where you are
I wonder what your thinking about tonight
I wonder
Maybe your alone
Maybe you've been crying just like me
I wonder
I don't know why I lost your touch
Maybe I wanted to be loved too much
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
I told you every day
I told you every night in every way
I love you
Maybe you got scared
Maybe I have nothing else to say
But I love you
So baby now my life's a mess
Cause I couldn't love you any less
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
Too soon
It's not right
It's not fair
Missing you baby cuts like a knife
what if you were the love of my life
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious, too soon
I wanted you to love me
we got too serious too soon
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
too serious too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm Staring at the moon
Thinking we got too serious, too soon
8:47 PM.
" Tuesday, July 17, 2007
estee's being barred frm gg for netball trainings. and she got beaten by her mummy.
an xiu cried cos she got scolded real bad even thou that silly girl has a valid reason.
ally got into trouble for nothing.
jun's losing his voice even before the NE show on sat and it got kinda worst today.
xin cried real real bad cos of her bf.
pl's away for sports camp for a week.
gene's gg back to prison (camp).
and, it's super boring at the science centre. :(
anyways i finally realized, today, that i ought to let things go.
i cant stop him frm being nice to her and not to me.
i can either choose to ignore everything and continue living my life happily,
or i can choose to be affected by his every move.
4 more working days and everything will come to an end.
out of sight, out of mind.
i know it'll take me quite a while but i know i'll make it.
life still goes on with or without him.
i wanna live my life to the fullest - one that's without regrets, one that doesnt care abt how he feels but more of how i feel abt myself.
10 more days to O camp!!
3 days of not staying at home!
3 days of making new friends!
3 days of fun (hopefully!) :)
the kids were teasing me about my pimples today!!
who in the world says that kids are adorable?!
they're all becoming big meanies!! :(
2 more days with them this week and i'll be taking a break frm seeing them till next week.
hope they'll be nice to me on my last week with them!!
i guess i'll miss them quite terribly..
meetin su xian at lot 1 today, even thou it's a short one,
sort of brighten up my moody day. :)
oh oh, i was in the lift gg to pass gwen my bag then this very sweet girl said this to her dad: "the bag's so big. she (referring to me) is so skinny. i'm (referring to herself) so fat."
isnt the conversation cute? and she's really not fat at all!!
she sort of brighten up my day too!! :)
TAY AN XIU!! look forward to tml!! :)
it's racial harmony day cum music day tml in sch.
hopefully a 1 hr performance! :)
8:22 PM.
" Monday, July 16, 2007
i'm so gonna remember this day and date!! :)
we had a very quick lunch at lot 1 today!!
sorry to have made him wait for quite a while, i was rushing like mad alr.
after so long, hmm, almost 2 mths i think?
that simple lunch really made my day!
thank you so much! :)
gosh! u see how he can affect my mood THAT easily?!
okies, i noe when u guys read this post, u all would wanna slap me hard so that i'll wake up but like i say, i cant help it!
hmm, let me self destruct for another 8 more days?
and i promise i'll get myself out of this mess.
anyways, was thinking abt how hard life would be for me in the next few years.
i cant spend too much frm now on alr.
i've gotta learn how to live on a tight budget frm now on - NO MORE SPLURGING!!!
my stupid tagboard has prob AGAIN!!
long day ahead tml, gotta rest early!
EXCURSION to the SINGAPORE SCIENCE CENTRE with the kids tml!! :)
7:06 PM.
" Saturday, July 14, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOUUU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO LAI HONG SENG!! :)
hey bro, hope you'll enjoy today cos it's ur day.
thou i may not be the first to msg you, i'm glad that i'm the first one with such a lengthy bdae msg! haha.
yep. hope to see you real soon - preferably before my sch starts ba. :)
all the best in everything you do.
and all the best to you and ur gf!!
once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)
6:35 PM.
"
i dragged myself out of bed at 7am!
washed up, double checked i've everything with me, ate breakfast and rushed out.
14th july 2007 - signing of my teacher training agreement at MOE building.
wef frm today, i'm bonded for 8 years with MOE.
if at any instance, i break my bond, my two guarantors will have to pay the liquidated damages to the govt.
hmm, i dont act feel much.
just that after the signing, everything seems to be settled.
it's like a load of my mind. i dont have to worry abt it anymore.
i suddenly remembered last yr during assem, mr yeo said that the effort we put in then will decide where we'll gonna be in the next 8 yrs.
act, being in the field of teaching is where i see myself then in the next 8 yrs.
but now, the path of ending up in the field is diff.
i wanted to teach econs a lot. but then when the results were out, somehow, i feel that a B isnt that great a deal and maybe i'm not cut out to teach econs.
in life, we gotta look forward and learn never to look backwards - that's what i taught the kids yst.
since i've alr decided to take on the pri track, i'll do my best in it!
am gg to work towards my incentive! - full expenses paid vacation if i graduate with a 2nd upper class or better! :)
aft the signing, i was really shacked.
we went to the hospital and it was the first time i've heard my grandma said she's better off dead in front of us.
she's really very skinny and she has blood clots all over her arms.
i bet she's really feeling very uncomfortable. :(
we then went to town aft that. had lunch there and came home.
slept like a log till 5 plus. haha.
am gg to mark the kids' work while they're enjoying themselves at the NE show.
i bet the fireworks are awesome!
i wish i was there with the kids!
6:21 PM.
"
sch wasnt really that good in the beginning.
gotta settle 2 kids who were fighting? i dont know how to describe it but one of them gave the other one a rather deep cut on his palm using a ball point pen!
both of them were sent for counselling and write reflections but i dont think it helps.
then during morn assem, this pri 2 kid was sleeping while standing.
and he fell forward, had a cut on his chin! just imagine the impact of the fall cos the cut was rather big.
after sch, had lunch with an xiu and took pics with ahmad.
that boy's so adorable! he was blushing when i said i'll take a pic with him. haha.
anyways, met up with the girls for dinner at lot 1 yst!
before that, xin and i saw bright (who keeps irritating me!) and hema. chatted with them for a while thou.
then liyi and pl came (mind you, pl looked so demure yst! haha. and true enough, she's gg to meet her bf aft that)
then we went for dinner at the food court. didnt really talked much cos pl had lotsa difficulties eating with her braces - she kept cutting herself! poor quackie! *ruffles pl's head*
then after that, su xian and wei wei came.
aft we ate, we went to roam a while.
went to the toilet to wait for pl to brush her teeth.
she was stuck in the cubicle so long for the first time.
the rest of us just sat in the diapers changing room waiting for her.
we thought we were alr talking very loudly but apparently that girl couldnt hear us.
she happily brushed her teeth and walked out of the toilet, thinking that we were outside waiting.
then she came in again with a lost expression on her face!
so funny. then the 4 of us couldnt help but kept laughing at her!!
then we went macs to chat - i wasnt there for the first section thou. saw my sec sch chem teacher so was just chatting with her.
then we planned for leen's bdae stuff then xin and pl left.
the former one gg home, the latter one gg to meet her bf.
then xin called me and say she saw gene.
then i called gene to come over for a chat.
liyi, suxian, gene and i were just asking abt each others' lives and making sure that gene's okay.
i dont know how to say but i really wish that gene'll be fine real soon. :)
after a while, we then went on our separate ways.
9:45 PM.
" Wednesday, July 11, 2007
i had to 'play catching' with this kid cos he's late BUT he claims that he isnt!!
how i wish i wasnt his teacher at that very moment!
but the thing got settled cos he helped me look for the kid.
then all the pri 5 had a singing session!
it was quite funny and i finally found ppl who can actually 'call for the rain' while singing other than me! :) and mind you, the sun was still up when it was pouring! haha. i feel so mean! :)
then the day got even better during combined assem.
there was this all female a capella group that was invited to the sch.
not sure if the kids were able to appreciate them BUT i really enjoyed it very much!!
their voices are like i dunno how to describe!! haha.
and i seriously think that they should sing more than 2 songs.
but that performance reminded me of this military a capella grp that came to pj to perform last year.
i'm so missing those times..
then, i skipped tuition and hung out with pei ling!! :)
miss her so much man.
we practically stayed in lot 1 for 5 hours plus? just eating, talking, walking and all.
there was this pt of time where she started her gingko nuts thoery and linking everything to gingko nuts when they dont even link! haha.
oh, we went to take neo prints thou!! :)
AND my sweet pea looks nice in braces!! :)
yay!! we're still meeting on fri! :)
then we met su xian at pizza hut, chatted for a while!
su xian, i've missed you! :)
okies then we were talking abt eenie - wondering where she's gone to and all.
then she read my blog and msg me! so nice to hear frm my daughter!
hope to see u real soon, eenie! :)
yep. and xin was so sweet! she called to ask how was sch for me but i didnt pick up my call cos it was in silent mode. :)
okies, so sch's starting.
i'm moving on to a new phase of my life.
i'm having mixed feelings for that phase thou.
i miss all my sec sch and jc frens!
i'll be missing the kids.
i know i'm greedy, i want to keep in contact with everybody!
i know at times, i'll fail to do so.
but i'll try my very best! :)
4:49 PM.
" Tuesday, July 10, 2007
i cant take it anymore!!
why must you always do these stuff to me?! (be it consciously or subconsciously)
do you have any FREAKING idea how much it hurts?!
i wish i could stab you alive to vent my anger!! (that's how pissed i am!)
i'm counting down to the number of days i've left to be affected by what you do and say.
after that, i'll be free frm being mood swingy and all.
do you know how many times i've told myself that u're not worthy at all,
but i just cant seem to let go and move on?!
do you know how many buckets of tears i've shed just cos of you?!
do you know how much i hate myself for making those mistakes and seeing us end up like this?!
you've been claiming that we're friends but do you actually know what it means to be treating me as a friend?! or are you just giving me this term to make me feel better?!
a friend is a person other than a family member, spouse or lover whose company one enjoys and towards whom one feels affection. (frm wiktionary)
are you sure i'm being treated that way?!
i'm just being cranky i guess?
thanks to su xian and xin for listening to all my whinings!
sorry to an xiu for not accompanying you for lunch.
i want a closure to all that is happening btw us.
i dont ever want to this self-destructing me again!
i know i'll make it, someday.
10:41 PM.
" Saturday, July 7, 2007
TOH YEW KEAT, EUGENE. (read carefully if u're him!)
hey. didnt act know u were not ok until xin told me.
i felt rather guitly that i wasnt there for you and all.
and i didnt know how bad a state u're in until just now when we gave u a call.
u really dont sound ok when u were on the phone just now.
and i dont mean ur normal type of just sighing or feeling very emo and all know?
i mean i could really hear that u're very down.
maybe it's just me or maybe we really know how our emotions work since we're soulmates?
but there's something gg on, those who know u're down knows it, it's just that u dont wanna say.
that's so unlike you.
but then i'm not gonna nag or wad.
i just want to tell u i'm here for u!! (in fact ALL OF US are here for you!!)
we will be ever more willing to stand by you, to listen to all ur whinings and stuff (like you stood by us to listen to all our whinings).
gene, whatever that's bothering you, it's time to let go by telling someone.
so that he/she can share ur burden for u. but even if he/she cant do that, at least u know that he/she will be there to care for u. and u can run to that person when ur predicament changes and all.
dont dwell too much on those stuff and make u lose ur slp alrights?
u very well know that u cant lose slp!
take care!! :)
10:01 PM.
"
jun hao actually won the 2nd runner up for mr singapore finals yst!!
plus, he also got the title of mr personality!
see, i was right of him being able to stand out frm the rest! :)
anyways ppl, he's SINGLE!
BUT, his expectations are super high!
10:04 PM.
" Friday, July 6, 2007
to: JOSEPH & SHARON
HAPPY ENGAGEMENT!! :) on 07/07/07
sorry that i couldnt attend, it's kind of a last min notice and i alr had plans.
nevertheless, i wish both of you will be happy together, forever.
and rest assure, i'll attend ur wedding dinner on 06/07/08!! :)
to: SZE JUN HAO
all the best for ur finals!! hopefully u're in the top 3! :)
dont think u'll get to see this but still, sorry i couldnt make it today to support u!
but i've faith in u that u'll make it to some title even if it's not the top 3! :)
to: QUEK PEI LING!!
hellos quackie, sorry we had to cancel the chalet! super wrong timing i guess?
know u're super disappointed but it's ok, we're hanging out next week alrights?
so looking forward to see you! :)
okies done, back to emo-ing.
heard this somewhere - when u fall for someone, u're no longer free. it's no longer that simple a thing.
u can try to occupy ur time with a lot of stuff but at the end of the day, that person will still fill ur mind every now and then.
to love and to be loved, which one would u prefer?
the selfish me says: to be loved.
cos i've experienced wad it was like to love and not to be loved in return.
only when u're being loved will u be able to decide whether u want to return the love.
but even if u decided not to, it's okay, that person will still love u for as long as he/she can.
i hate myself when i'm doing all these.
i want to forget everything abt u but everytime i try, i'm falling deeper.
will we ever meet again after the next few weeks?
will i be able to smile genuinely if i were to come across u one day on the streets?
why is it so hard for one to put down everything at a certain place and run away for a while?
run away frm responsibilities, frm ppl, frm pressures, frm commitments..
frm everything.
i wanna take a break frm everything.
sometimes, i wish i could go overseas and not come back.
but most of the times i know i wont cos i'll be missing all my frens and my loved ones here!
but there's a trade off here - all the unhappy memories and stuff will likewise be stuck here!
life's complicated. love's complicated. human beings are complicated.
why do we have to think abt so much stuff before we decide on something?
i'm exhausted, tired, worn out, drained..
6:16 PM.
" Thursday, July 5, 2007
anyways, i guess it's true when they say there'll always be something new u will learn abt every day.
or maybe it's when u grow older, u tend to think abt stuff more in depth. so u'll look at things in a logical way or u'll look at certain behaviour and wonder were u like that when u were young, or will u be like that when u grow older.
hard to comprehend? it's ok, u'll be enlightened one day! :)
the next 2 para are dedicated to these ppl who in some ways, brighten up my life for the past few days! :)
to: WONG ZI MIN, ALYSSA!!
hey girl, thanks so much for that msg! it's really very sweet for someone ur age to be doing that! and thanks to tat msg, i guess i made someone who was really very down know that i'll be there for him! yep, rest assure, i'll not forget u when sch starts! *hugs* :)
to: TAY AN XIU!!
hmm, not exactly sure if u can read this but thank you so much for the magnets! thou both of us think that it's a pity it's not stickers, but it's really ok! it's the thought that really counts! honestly, other that jia you, the person that i'll miss the most when sch starts is YOU! study hard my dear girl! *hugs* :)
5:31 PM.
" Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Someday you're gonna realise.
One day you'll see this through my eyes.
By then i won't even be there
I'll be happy somewhere,
Even if i can't.
I know you don't really see my worth.
You think you're the last guy on earth.
Well, i've got news for you.
I know i'm not that strong.
But it won't take long,
Won't take long.
Cos someday, someone's gonna love me
The way i wanted you to need me.
Someday, someone's gonna take your place.
One day, i'll forget about you
You'll see, i won't even miss you.
Someday, someday.
Right now, i know you can tell
I'm down, and i'm not doing well.
But one day these tears,
They will all run dry, i won't have to cry
Sweet goodbye.
Cos someday, someone's gonna love me
The way i wanted you to need me.
Someday, someone's gonna take your place.
One day, i'll forget about you
You see, i won't even miss you.
Someday, i know someone's gonna be there
Someday, someone's gonna love me
The way i wanted you to need me.
Someday, someone's gonna take your place.
One day, i'll forget about you.
You'll see i won't even miss you.
Someday, someday.
4:19 PM.
" Monday, July 2, 2007
i slept like a log frm 8 plus last night till 8 plus tis morn, and fell aslp again while reading my basic theory book. (just imagine how tired i'm!)
just came back frm bbdc after my theory practice and test.
thank God i passed my basic test!
then now i can book for my final test. (hopefully i'll only have to attempt it once. *flor crosses her fingers*)
yep, just finish ironing my clothes and am waiting patiently for daddy to pick me up then we'll be heading down to SGH.
it's gonna be a rather long week ahead and i havent started my lesson plans yet.
gotta do that after this as well as pack my bag.
another thing that i gotta rmb is to ask for permission to go for chalet this coming weekend.
pei ling's kinda disappointed that we havent confirm anything yet.
okies my dear sweet pea, will do that asap! haha :)
quote for the day:
Life is like a box of chocolate - it's not always sweet, neither is it always bitter. :)
5:25 PM.
" Sunday, July 1, 2007
the moment i saw her, it reminds me of vanny! :)
isnt his dimple cute?! :)
xin says the one in specs look like a pose i'll do when taking a pic. haha
best of friends!! :)
5:12 PM.
" 
my fav pic of all! :)
4:11 PM.
"
what have you been doing with ur life for the past 6 months?
is it fulfilling? or did u waste away the past 6 mths?
i kicked start this year well - leaving behind all those that i ought not to bring forth to this year.
but i went downhill by end feb.
guess it's cuz i'm super emo, things which affect the emotional aspect of my life tend to take a super duper long time to lose its effects.
and that's why i'm still in a slump now - emotional wise that is.
frens ard tell me to let go and move on.
easier said than done i guess?
there's just something abt him that i cant let go but there's nuttin i can do abt it.
i cant want him back - when u really like someone, u'll let him fly high i guess?
the other aspects of my life were a bit better.
am financially independent now but there's a prob - i tend to splurge on stuff. i'll improve on that for the next 6 mths! :)
physical wise, i've been slacking a lot but i'll buck up! :)
social wise, i've missed my frens and have made efforts to keep all of us tgt. *gives a pat on my back*
and i'm learning a new skill now. :)
things that i gotta work on would be to not worry too much and to go overseas!
the latter one means that i gotta first find time to go and renew my passport. haha.
time really flies huh?
esp when u're not studying.
i'm looking forward to orientation - 3 more weeks! :)
but i'm kinda afraid to go into a new environment and having to start all over again.
but i'll try! :)
maybe things will get better when sch starts for me.
i'll be able to shift my focus frm you to my studies and adapting to a new environment.
but until then, i'm still hoping for something btw us.
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