i know i ought to be mugging my ass off now
Happy sweet nineteen to eenie!! ((:
wee! ((:
yep. it's my second post.
i'm very confused now..
flor is a happy girl when she sees FIREWORKS!! ((:
i very well know that this isnt right
yay! hope everybody had a wonderful national day! (:
phew! finally a break! (:
hellos, hellos, hellos, hellos!! (((:
guess what?
oh my goodness!!
4 more days to the start of lessons.
but allow me to slack for a while la. haha.
i officially declare that i love green chilli!! ((:
and and and thou i love grapes a lot, i feel as thou i'm gg to have phobia of it for a while aft eating almost 3/4 of a box?
but daddy, i still love you for remembering to buy grapes every now and then! ((:
and and and, i wanna get myself a yellow umbrella!
was having ed psycho today and realise that all the umbrellas at the back were of dull colours, which matched the sky.
but since i love rainy days so so so much, i want rainy days to be bright too!
so, i'm gg to buy a yellow (hopefully a bright one) umbrella soon! ((:
okies, as usual, i was blog hopping and i'm glad sx isnt feel that apprehensive of gg to sch.
and my poor xin has to wear sunblock whenever she's out! yep. sunblock and xin dont link!
and and and, i'm listening to liyi's blog song!
my tian! it's so apt as to how i'm feeling right now la!!
thou i dont see a link btw the song and her love life but still maybe cos it's really nice?!
go to my links and link to liyi's blog to listen!! ((:
anyways, i'm letting go..
letting go of the past grudges that i have.
letting go of past promises that ppl made that werent kept.
letting go of the things that ppl did that have let me down.
letting go of the things that i've done that have let ppl down.
and lastly,
letting go of the person i like..
no point in waiting in vain right?
i dont know if i'll ever be able to let him go but i'll try.
aug is coming to an end soon.
sept is coming alr la.
i feel like i've wasted my time away!
okies, i shall do some meaningful stuff for the remaining months of the year.
and first up would be making my birthday wish list!! ((:
thanks to hui!! thanks for listening to me whine and all. thanks for being so nice to me since the very beginning. it's really a blessing to have known u! ((:
1:41 AM.
" Saturday, August 25, 2007
yep. a simple yet unforgettable bday for eenie i bet??we will meet up soon!take care my sweet peas!! ((:
1:19 AM.
"
finally met up with the girls on thurs aft soooo long!!
i think the only time that everybody's present for such gatherings is during bdays!
can we meet up often??
i was telling hema today that pl has sx in SMU,
ly, leen, xin & von has one another in SIM,
only flor's stranded in NIE ALONE!!! )))):
i really missed those times we had in the sch's canteen, the grand stand, the lib, and surprisely, the toilets!! haha
it's not really that bad to go to a new environ, but just like what ching said, it's diff. )):
oh wells..
we celebrated leen's bday on thurs!
our baby is no longer a baby alr!
she's finally 19!!
we played treasure hunt with her at lot 1.
poor xin and i had to play tgt with her thou we knew where all the clues were.
then it started raining heavily!!
and we couldnt celebrate her bday outside.
so we stayed indoors, ate pizza, nuggets, watched tv and slack.
haha, it was a very nice feeling thou.
i rmb the last time we were doing that at sx's hse was during x'mas 2 yrs ago??
the pics will come ltr - all credits to sx since i "steal" them frm her blog. haha. ((:
and also to sx: thanks for the handphone accessory! ((:
i'll hang it on my phone to remind me of wad it says constantly!! ((:
went to holland v just now for dinner with chun and seng.
thou it's kinda weird since i'm the only girl but we still had fun!!
updated one another on each others' lives, chatted, gossiped, talking abt our sec sch days.
gosh! i missed sec sch days with them too! )):
all the copying and laughters and everything..
i prac spent most of the time laughing at the two of them.
but chun kept blaming me for nt wearing shoes so that they can go eski bar!
it was nice seeing them aft sooo long too la! ((:
thank you seng for sending me home!!
sorry to make you cab home thou! ((:
while walking home, seng asked how have i been the past 8 mths..
i thought for a while and said, there have been ups and downs..
but i realised that those 8 mths have filled with more ups then downs -
i guess the majority of those goes to the kids!! ((:
they never fail to put a genuine smile on my face..
maybe at times, i'm just too preoccupied abt how i am, emotionally.
i guess it's time to widen that to my other aspects alr. ((:
okies, gg to bed alr!!
stephie just msn me to chase me to bed!
i miss that girl a huge lot too!! ((:
8:39 PM.
" Sunday, August 19, 2007
but this time, i am sort of encouraged - in a way or two.
was blog hopping and i came across this song in one of the blogs..
... when the ocean rise, and thunder roar,
i'll soar with You above the storm.
Father, you're king over the flood,
and i will be still to know you are God...
it was the first time since i dont know when that
i fell onto my knees and prayed.
tears just came flowing out as the song continues.
it somehow symbolises that no matter what has happened in my life,
so long as i know He is there, He will pull me thru.
i'm sorry for all the things that i've done.
the previous entry seems so insignificant compared to this one.
it's during such times that i wanna reflect on my priorities, and shift my focus back to Him..
will You continue to give me the strength
that i need to pull thru whatever
that may come my way??
7:38 PM.
"
i have no idea what he wants, neither do i have any idea what i want..
he knows what he's doing..
but i dont know what i'm doing..
it's so against my principles but i'm not doing anything..
i'm not sure if i've made a right decision..
i'm not sure if i've made any decision..
aargh!! )):
this is so irritating.
i just want something simple - no complications, no nothing..
is it that difficult to ask of??
i'm very determined to not get myself hurt again..
but sometimes, my stupid actions seem to lead me exactly there..
and not long after, history will once again repeat itself..
i want the rational me back..
i want to prepare myself for anything that might cropped up..
i dont want to be in a vulnerable state anymore..
please dont let the emotional me take over,
for when she takes over, i know then, it'll be too late for the rational me to try to do damage control..
honestly, i dont know what my next step should be..
should i stop and drop everything just like that?
or should i indulge myself?
i dont know how to breach this topic to him..
everytime i wanted to, i cant seem to carry on, cos he really seems to draw a clear line..
AARGH!!!
12:02 AM.
" Saturday, August 18, 2007
and mind you, these fireworks were SUPER CLOSE!! ((:
though we had a few misfortunes and all, i still thank xin and jeremy for bringing me there to see the fireworks!! ((:
we didnt really park the car or wad.
we just got stuck in a traffic jam and all.
we act tot it was gg to end alr.
but when we were abt to reach there, the fireworks then started!! ((:
it was truly amazing!! ((:
thou ppl keep saying that it's best to watch fireworks with ur other half,
i'm super contend that i am able to watch it, even if i'm nt with my other half!! ((:
today was totally shacked!!
woke up at 2 plus in the morn and cant seem to slp anymore.
so i mugged all the way till 6 plus then went to get ready for sch.
had one hour tutorial, meeting for the assign proposal, went to photocopy survey qns
then went to the lib to mug again!!
aft that, xin called and so we chatted. (:
then met hema and chatted again!! ((:
then had lunch then slacked in the canteen and chatted yet again!! ((:
then went for the gesl talk and aft that went to buy my dic, finally, and that's abt all i guess??
super tired now!!
i almost fell asleep in jeremy's car when i'm suppose to give directions to him.
haha. very funny and yet, we drove to another side of spore - which obviously is totally off.
i so do not like the situation i'm in now.
i'm nt exactly sure if i'm making a right decision.
i'm just feeling very guilty towards her.
a part of me wants everything to stop and nt go so fast.
but another part of me just wants to stay this way.
maybe i'm just selfish.
i dont really dare to confront my fears.
i dont want everything to turn out ugly.
i dont want to make a wrong decision, yet again.
i'm very confused.
i dont know what to do now..
9:07 PM.
" Monday, August 13, 2007
i dont know when it started
but i know that if i stop myself right now,
i'll be able to make it thru.
i told myself that i wont let the same thing happen to me again.
i've been abiding by this principle for 5 years.
i've seen its consequences - it hurts real bad.
i dont want to see myself being in that state now.
no matter what it takes, i wont let myself go there.
somethings are just not mine.
no matter what i do or how hard i try,
it'll never be mine.
i know where i'm standing.
i wont let myself be hurt, knowingly, again..
1:43 AM.
" Saturday, August 11, 2007
thou i wasnt very patriotic, i still enjoyed my holiday! (:
went to ikea wif xin yst and she bought tons of stuff.
thou i was very tempted to buy tons of stuff too, i stopped myself just in time. haha.
we bought a stuff for eenie there too.
then aft tat we headed down to town to meet gene for dinner.
went to taka basement for dinner.
ate jap cuisine. it's not tat bad thou. love the iced lemon tea tat they served there!! (:
aft tat we went to roam ard.
poor gene has to acc us while we shop and ignore him. haha.
he left for home ard 7 plus and we continued to shop till 8 plus 9?
then we took the train to marina bay so tat we could have seats on the way home.
but the train stopped at ang mo kio!
so irritating, we had to change train!
it wasnt tat bad a day aft all.
thou i wasnt in the national day mood but i still had fun hanging out and shop.
i had better stop shopping alr!!
morn's tutorial was canceled so i slept in the whole morn.
went for tuition bef heading down to sch for gesl meeting.
i act tot i had time to travel aft tuition but by the time i reached cck, it was alr 5pm.
and meeting starts at 5.30pm.
so, i had to cab down to school. ):
the meeting was okay.
our facilitator told us abt his family background.
he had quite a traumatic childhood and i truly admire the way he can still joke abt it.
i bet if it were me, i'd have break down and cry alr.
i totally salute him!
the meeting ended at 7pm and luckily hema was still in campus. (:
aft meeting, headed down to city hall to meet him.
went to new york new york for dinner where the both of us couldnt finish our food cos we were super full!
then he tricked me!
i didnt have time to draw cash so i only had 20 bucks with me then he said he didnt bring his cards out.
then he started to help us plan escape routes.
i really tot i was gg to spend the rest of my night helping them wash dishes can??
then aft seeing me in a helpless state, he called for bill and passed them his PLATINUM CARD!!
i was kinda pissed!
then we headed back to lot 1 to watch movie.
wanted to watch secret but ended up watching skin walkers - which honestly, isnt a very nice show.
i dont even know wad it's talking abt and all la.
while waiting for the movie to start, we went to macs to sit down.
then he took out his digi cam and took pics of me!
i'm nt used to taking pics alone plus he wants me to pose for him.
so unnatural! i dont like it!
but it was still fun thou, to be able to hang out with him, just as frens do. (:
yep. off to bed alr!
gotta get out of the house by noon tml.
meeting tania at 2pm for the padang thingy and hopefully can see ade too!
yay! cant wait to see ade, tania and alan! ((:
10:05 PM.
" Wednesday, August 8, 2007
today's the eve of national day.
but i cant feel it!
everybody, everywhere seems to be having half day
EXCEPT for the EL students!!
lessons are suspended TILL 1pm today cos of celebrations.
that means i have to attend an eng lec at 6.30PM TILL 7.30PM!!
i so wanted to pon it BUT sidney kinda ask me to go and listen so he can pon!! ):
and the worst thing is that,
aft the lec, i got damn confused with verbs and adverbs!!
i so cannot imagine how i'm gg to die for exams! )):
i had ard 6 hrs of break today aft the celebrations.
i went for lunch in sch.
ate mee soto and stupidly forgot i was wearing white!
so yep, u got it.
there were stains on my top!!
aft that went to jp to meet gene!
poor thing, he has to acc me for 6 hrs.
we went to roam ard then we decided to watch a movie!
we went to watch alone thou i've heard the storyline frm wee alr.
but it was still scary!
and the girls behind us sort of made it worst(according to gene)
but to me, i think they made me felt as thou i was on a roller coaster ride! haha.
even aft the movie, we had an hr plus to spare.
so gene suggested to go back to campus to eat AGAIN!
we went to nie's canteen and realised tat nt much food were left
so we had to make do with fishball noodles and minced meat noodles.
then aft eating, i walked gene to the bus stop
and FINALLY ended my 6 hrs break.
anyways, for today's proj runway
our grp got 3rd place!
"go ramesh! go ramesh!"
he looked really confident and all as he walked down the runway man!
and nt forgetting GINA LIM!! (:
SHE'S SUPER SEXY when she walked down the runway!
both hema and i agreed on that! ((:
even thou she didnt win, it's alr very gd tat she's gotten into the final round! ((:
oh ya, it was SUPER HOT during the runway show can??
we were really burning!
i can feel my bag toasting la, no kidding!!
the weather's getting frm bad to worst man.
i think i'm falling sick real soon la.
hot and cold, hot and cold in a day!!
yep. tml's rest day!!
maybe hanging out with xin - nt sure if the shops are gg to be open thou.
then there's stupid sch on fri where i have 8 hrs break!!
then gg town to watch a movie!!
then sat's gg to meet tania and alan!!
sun's rest day!
and mon's a whole new wk AGAIN! ):
oh wells, kinda stressed now.
gonna settle the tuition stuff - dropping all of them cos it's very clashy with my timetable and all.
then gotta rmb to buy dic!!
keep forgetting tat!!
argh! and oso 2 essays to write.
and dunno how many proj alr!!
i'll be fine! i hope i will thou ):
i'm still trying to get use to everything! ):
1:25 PM.
" Sunday, August 5, 2007
okies, i'm nt really in a very happy mood but neither am i in a very dull mood!
today's entry is just a random one.
cos aft today, when my lessons officially start frm tml, i wouldnt know when i'll have time to blog alr.
but still, i'll try to blog over the weekends thou! (:
honestly, i cant imagine i'm in uni now.
act i didnt think i could make it this far.
but still, i thank God for being able to pull me thru till now.
i promise myself that i'll mug super hard
but tuitions are clashing with my timetable!
i'm most prob gonna drop gwen then i'll put both tuitions on the same days - mon and fri.
then i'll be left with tues, wed, thurs and sat to study!
and sun would be family day! (((:
went to pay respects to ah po just now cos today's her lunar bday.
we were looking at the pics when she was still very young.
gosh! she's damn pretty when she was young can?
and mummy looked super cute when she was a kiddo! ((:
and when i saw the pics, i really missed both my grandparents a huge lot.
but oh wells, death is part and parcel of life.
i'll be fine for i know they're at somewhere nice waiting for all of us! ((:
I WANNA WATCH MOVIES!!
tons and tons of diff movies that i wanna watch!!
but nobody's free to acc me! )):
i wanna watch harry potter, simpsons, alone, knocked up, vacancy, perfect strangers...
okies, i'll be watching harry potter with xin when she's back frm holidaying!
lucky girl! can go vacation while the rest of us slog and mug! )):
i'm gg to work super hard and save tons of cash!
so that i can go for summer studies!!
the thought of gg overseas to study ON MY OWN perks me! (((:
and i really wanna experience wad's like living alone overseas.
did i mention?
i can only start my driving lessons in DECEMBER??!!
i was super agitated when wee told me on fri.
that's like 4 more mths can?
and tat means i can forget abt gg chiangmai with the sch for service learning!
i'll still be gg for OBS thou! ((((:
cant wait for that thou!
mummy and daddy says it's gd in the sense that i can concentrate on my studies
and learn driving during my hols.
i guess they're kinda right?
wad i'm hoping for is that my test date would be bef jun 2008
then i wouldnt have to pay another round of membership fees - which is damn ex!
yay yay!
next wk is rather slack!
got sch on mon, tues and wed.
but wed is half day!! (((:
thank God cos i end sch at 730PM on wed la!
then'll be meeting xin for movie and tania&alan to hang out!! (((:
cool cool.
i'm looking forward to the first day of lessons! (:
gotta rmb to buy DICTIONARY WITH INTERNATIONAL PHONETIC ALPHABETS!!
i guess tat's abt all?
gonna watch lovers in paris alr!! (((:
i'll blog soon!
until then, take tons of care ppl! ((:
1:21 AM.
" Saturday, August 4, 2007
i'm crying now!
was reading this story tat xin intro - it's abt this girl, being obsessed with her own thoughts, like this guy aft a while but the guy's having cancer and will not to able to hold on longer and all - and suddenly, i missed my grandma so much.
i dont know why i'm crying this badly and missing her this badly now.
she's not really very close to me.
maybe i'm crying cos i havent spend enuff time with her?
i havent tried my best to make her like me?
i dont know how to emphasize this - pls cherish ur loved ones and ur friends now that there's still time.
dont take their presence for granted.
u nv know when they'll be leaving you.
am i just being too emo?
or somewhere deep inside, i'm regretting?
regretting nt spending time with my loved ones and my friends?
regretting tat i've taken their presence for granted?
if ever there's a chance to re-live ur life,
will u make an effort to cherish all ur loved ones and ur friends frm the very beginning?
10:17 PM.
" Friday, August 3, 2007
i spent like 150 bucks in two days?!!
buying tops and a bag?
of course tat doesnt included the $65.50 tat i spent on 3 pathetic texts. ):
flor's so broke now man!
went to vivo instead of town with pl yst.
was hell lot of fun!
the both of us bought our first clothe frm WAREHOUSE yst!!
it was our first piece cos warehouse's stuff are like WAY OVERPRICED!
then tat pea went to forever 21 and, honestly, shopped like mad - like an auntie rammaging thru the bargain racks man.
haha. she took 9 pieces(which is way over the max numb of clothes one can try on) and went in and out of the fitting room 9 times.
she wanted to buy all 9 pieces but in the very end, she bought only 3.
but it's still super ex. $133 for 3 pieces of clothes.
went to cwp with wee today aft i bought my texts.
we went to gelare to eat lunch.
hmm, we couldnt finish the sandwiches thou so we bagged it.
then we went shopping again!
haha, i really feel very guilty man - eating fatty stuff and spending so much!
yay yay! gg to meet tania next sat.
gonna acc her to padang to see alan in some NUS thingy.
then the 3 of us are gonna hang out again!
the last time we did that was like jan?!
gosh, i miss tat girl a huge lot!!
yep, and i'm gg out with stephie next next thurs!
havent seen tat girl in a while as well.
gosh!
catch up catch up ppl!! :)
oh oh. i just got my timetable.
and my longest day is until 730pm can?!
bet i'll fall aslp during tat lec la.
but, i'm beginning to love thurs cos I DONT HAVE LESSONS ON THURSDAY!!
i guess tat's abt all for now?
watch ghost whisperer!
super nice! (:
9:37 AM.
" Thursday, August 2, 2007
but i'm still in the holiday mood!
honestly, i'm scared.
i dont know what my class would be like.
maybe it's cos i'm not used to NOT being in a class and gg for tutorials where i'll be meeting new faces almost everytime?
i hope i can pull thru cos like what i've said, i realised(and aft wee & nic said so) i'm not as chatty as i used to be alr.
i guess, for me, it's nt a gd thing.
i want the chatty flor back.
i want the optimistic flor back.
i want the real crazy flor back.
i finally realised why adults want so much to not grow up.
last sat, it started raining aft ah po's cremation.
the skies were cloudy and gloomy and all.
i asked bernice(my sweet little cousin) what's the first thing she saw.
she said: "the houses, the trees, the cars, the flowers..."
i said: "u know wad jie jie sees? the dark and gloomy skies."
then i turned and asked my another cousin who's a yr older than me what he saw.
he said: "the dark and gloomy skies.."
u get what i'm trying to say?
the kids tend to see things in an optimistic way.
whereas as we grow older, all we could think abt are the negative things.
that's why i like to be amongst the kids!
every little thing that they say can bring a smile to my face - a genuine smile.
and i dont really mind when ppl say i'm childish. :)
i really wish i dont have to grow up, having to know so much and bearing all the responsibilities.
oh wells, those are just some random tots as usual! haha.
SHOPPING WITH PEI LING!! :))
in a while. :)
havent seen that pea since dont know when - perhaps since she left for sports camp?
and and and, that clever girl!
she act passed her driving test in one attempt!
see? i told u all auto cars are easier!!
okies, i dont have to fret yet cos i havent started prac yet! haha.
but i sure hope i'll be able to pass my driving test in one attempt too when it comes to that big day of mine! hopefully my engine wouldnt stall!
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