i cant remember when was the last time i cried so helplessly over the phone with xin there.
last year's feb? i think.
whatever that is happening now seems to be tearing me apart.
i really have no idea what i want to do now.
'TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT' was the voice within me.
'why do this to yourself? and let yourself be open to attacks and judgements? forget it flor. just leave everything when it's still early. let go and move on'
not the exact words that i hear, but it seems rather powerful even when typed out.
xin talked me into calling you and talk about everything
just so that the friendship might not be affected.
i took a lot of courage to make that call.
but was rejected - cause you were in the movies.
before i made my decision i tried calling you many times.
but you didnt pick up any of my calls.
perhaps just busy.
yesterday when i saw you, i kinda felt your reaction changed.
i knew then, that you were disappointed in me.
and there's nothing i can do.
you are important to me.
but i guess, at any point of time, this thing doesnt go two way.
maybe i shouldnt think too much.
maybe i shouldnt be so affected.
just maybe cause to you, i'm not so important
i guess that's all i wanted to say.
i dont feel like trying to make calls anymore.
cause for me, once it drags for a while, i cant then bring myself to breach the topic any further.
and so, i'll just leave it, even if it's only affecting ME!
driving's at eight.
i dont know how am i gg to concentrate in this condition.
maybe all i need is a car accident to wake up from everything that i'm gg through now. hah.
i so want to run away from everything.
| Powered by TagBoard Message Board |